Movie review: After the Sunset

Thumbs down.

Two very attractive but untalented actors (Pierce Brosnan and Selma Hayek) are "retired" jewel theives on a tropical island.  Of course, Pierce Brosnan gets stir crazy; he needs to steal things to be happy.  He doesn't like other people and has no hobbies, and yet Selma Hayek (who presumably got half the money) loves him.

Mix in a crazy FBI agent who's after Pierce but ends up befriending him (and gets his own love interest because hey, this is Jamaica).

Why did this movie suck?  Other than the bad acting and silly premise?  Well, there was very little actual action and the writing was horrible.  I'm not sure any writer could have rescued the ridiculous premise, but these writers didn't seem to know what they were supposed to be doing.  The only funny parts of the movie involved awkward homosexuality between the two main characters.  ("Can you rub sunscreen on my back?")  And at the end, Selma gives up all womanly independence in order to stay with a man who loves kleptomania more than he loves her.  And the good guy (the FBI agent) wins . . . oh wait, no he doesn't!  Pierce steals the diamond back.  Neener neener.  So, Pierce has a real problem and doesn't learn a damn thing.  The good guy loses and his life is utterly ruined and he has nothing.  And Selma caves in and marries the jerk.

It wasn't a terrible movie, it just didn't have any good points other than Selma Hayek's boobies, and honestly that's not enough to make me watch a movie.

J